Wednesday, August 31, 2016

Happiness

We have moved into our new house and things have settled. With a less chaotic life, thoughts of my mom have been heavy again. I have so many questions. Not the same questions I struggled with for so long. I have finally truly accepted that I will never know what happened in the final moments of my mom's life. I will never know if she suffered or died instantly. I will never know if she was numb. I will never know if she would have heard my voice that day, would she have still taken her life. I am at peace with all these questions. I know that having the answers would not have changed the final outcome.

I still have questions, though. Why did this happen? Why was this my mom's journey? Why do bad things happen to really good people? My mom was good. She was so, so good. What am I suppose to do with this? There has to be a reason this happened. What is the reason? I Know you are not suppose to question God but, I have. Why, why, why? Why do so many people hurt? Why do mothers lose their children? Why are innocent children molested and abused? Why is cancer even a thing? Why can some people have a drink, sit it down and walk away? Why does it destroy others? I think our tiny little human brains would not be capable of understanding the magnitude of His plan, even if He told us.

A few weeks ago I was thinking about the fact that I have wanted to change the world with my mom's story. Maybe her story has helped someone, maybe it hasn't. Then it hit me like a bolt of lightening. The quote I love so much by Mother Teresa, "If you want to bring happiness to the whole world, go home and love your family." It is really that easy! Love is always the answer. I am loving my family, really loving them. I am putting my phone down. I am turning off the television. I am slowing down and living in the moment. No more looking at facebook at night while lying next to my husband in bed. No more missing a sweet flip my son busts out because I am reading some silly article on my phone. Love, really love. Live in the moment. I believe with everything in me, that is the key to happiness. Let's be unusually happy! *see what I did there ;)

           

   

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